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Jan. 21st, 2006 @ 01:42 am
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I came home to dwell in my horrible mood and offset heart. When a very close friend immed me saying he had been trying to get ahold of me. I told him I knew, and that I was having a hard time with life. He then goes to tell me his father died last night of a heart attack and he just needed to hear a voice.
Its funny how in one second life can change so much.You can realize how selfish and petty you are capable of being.
:: Reality check ::
Dont waste time on loving ones who no longer love you. Enjoy the ones who love you back, they are the ones who will miss you when you're gone.Current Mood:  guilty |
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I looked back on entries that I used to write with such passion. Devotion I refused to give up, even though it gave people a reason to talk. Pure unconditional love that I've forgot even what its presence feels like. I would write I will never love like that again. Considering those posts were always about the same person, the outcome was true. I feel as though every relationship that I've had since then was loving and devoted but i walked away with out a fight. The pain of a tragic ending still lingers here and there but never a burning. I wonder if the older i get the more detached i become. And if I can ever truly love someone the way they deserved to be loved. I'm always looking over my shoulder, watching my back. I say that I will take down all these walls and am actually never brave enough to do so.
I feel like I walk through every town,that ive ever been to, with out blinking. People stop and meet me as i'm passing through. My pocket is always heavy with acquaintances, but my hand is always very lite with true friendships. I feel like I must stay moving, and when stationed in one place I cant breathe. I try and convince myself that I like a boy or that this person is interesting but it always falls short.
When youre a kid everything is so clear. You know what you want and what you love. Now, I cant tell up from down. I let fewer and fewer people in. And the concept of love isnt something I even believe in anymore. I'd do anything to have a focused passion. Something to work towards. I see these kids starting riots with out a reason, building wars with out any soldiers and wonder is it because they have no real pain yet or i have no real passion.
Does true love really exist? And can it ever end with out tragedy?Current Mood:  uncomfortable Current Music: you and i- someday i'll say goodbye |
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Nov. 30th, 2005 @ 12:42 pm
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" Contents of the conversation aside, I loved watching her at the dinner table as she talked with enthusiasm about her work. This I told myself, was "home." I had had a home,of course, when I was a child. But it was not one I had chosen for myself. I had been born into it, presented with it as an established fact. Now, however, I lived in a world that I had chosen through an act of will. It was my home. It might not be perfect, but the fundamental stance I adopted with regard to my home was to accept it, problems and all, because it was something I myself had chosen. If it had problems, there were almost certainly problems that had originated within me. "Current Mood:  blank Current Music: beck - sea change |
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Aug. 10th, 2005 @ 07:52 pm
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I'm flying down to sarasota wednesday morning and picking up my puppy and then moving to gainesville where i'll be going to school |
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I'm in the Q.
Derrick clutton get at me. |
| » The last thing I see at night, first thing I see in the morning. |
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You're everything I've been searching for.
Apr. 28th, 2005 @ 11:14 am
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| You scored as Hedonism. Your life is guided by the principles of Hedonism: You believe that pleasure is a great, or the greatest, good; and you try to enjoy life’s pleasures as much as you can.
“Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die!”
More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...
Hedonism | | 95% | Justice (Fairness) | | 85% | Existentialism | | 75% | Strong Egoism | | 60% | Kantianism | | 35% | Utilitarianism | | 25% | Apathy | | 25% | Nihilism | | 25% | Divine Command | | 0% | </td>
What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com |
Mar. 30th, 2005 @ 10:35 am
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So I had to go from my house to chinatown to take the bus to Boston so I can fly home to Florida. However, being the AWESOME packer I am, I packed way too much shit. And it was SO heavy and I have bruises from dragging it up and down stairs. But for those of you who dont know, this is what a lot of the subway exits look like:
I tried to get out shoving my way through with my suitcase. Suddenly it stopped. It wouldnt move, in any direction now. I freaked out and people were getting pissed at me...I was afraid I was going to have to have the ambulance called on my ass to come cut me out of this thing. My life is amazing.
Mar. 25th, 2005 @ 12:14 pm
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| » Today is the first day of the rest of my life. |
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I'm no longer living my life for other people. I've made a decision on what I wanted to do. Not to impress or make anyone but myself proud. I've never gone against what my mother wanted or continually nagged about.
Growing up can be extremely scary, but it can also be extremely liberating.
For the first time I'm genuinely happy.
Mar. 21st, 2005 @ 02:04 pm
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I'm coming home march 26th
Mar. 6th, 2005 @ 10:45 am
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I cant wait for kids to read the It dies today interview I did. It's gonna piss so many people off...
My 20th birthday is wednesday ...I'm so unexcited.
Feb. 28th, 2005 @ 10:09 am
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Also , I've been having these dreams where I'm beating the shit out of the same people over and over again and telling them how much they suck at life. And the odd thing...Its not even people I've hated all my life people that I've just recently decided arent worth living. maybe i should just be a boxer.
Feb. 18th, 2005 @ 05:39 pm
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I looked over the entries when i first started this thing. I was shocked at seeing how many times I had talked about Sam North. I guess I had forgotten how good of friends we used to be. But shit so much has changed. Now, I'm just a bitter old bitch whos broke like a joke. Growing up sucks.
~blindedbymylove~
LJ friendsCollage.
Brought to you by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) pratibha75 and teemus.
Feb. 18th, 2005 @ 05:26 pm
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| » Oh its no secret |
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Feb. 7th, 2005 @ 03:14 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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Exhibitionist
The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla
Dec. 23rd, 2004 @ 02:09 pm
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| » sarasota we meet again. |
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she's backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Dec. 18th, 2004 @ 12:38 pm
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| » adam this is for you |
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| How to make a blindedbymylove |
Ingredients:
3 parts success
5 parts arrogance
5 parts ego |
Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of emotion |
Dec. 4th, 2004 @ 05:53 pm
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